Being True to Yourself...

“You can be pleased with nothing when you are not pleased with yourself.”

Being true to our self may be one of the most difficult things we do. There seems to be so many demands on us from family, class, exams, assignments,friends and all of the many relationships we have.

With all of the things and people we have in our lives there are many and various pulls; things that one person may want that contrasts what someone else wants us to be or do, and most importantly demands that go against our core values.

Being true to self means that sometimes we have to say what others don’t want to hear. It means we have to stop people pleasing. We cannot be true to our self and always give others what they want. Sometimes being true to our self means that we can no longer be in relationships that cause us too much strain against who we are and what we believe.

If we simply do something or stay in a relationship to please the other person it’s doomed in the long run anyway. It will also erode our self-image if we continually go against what we need to do and give in to the demands of others.

Being true to our self is one way we get to know who we are. We clearly can’t define who we are when we are constantly answering to others despite what we want to do and what is right. If others cannot understand our values and insist that we live theirs, we don’t have to mold our self into who they want us to be.

If we look at ourselves honestly and find that we have some defects of character, we can overcome those. This is not to advocate being who we are when that’s not a good thing. Instead it’s about loving our self and doing the things we know to be right. It’s also about having the ability to say no when that is needed. It is about following our own path and not that of someone else, or one that is chosen for us by some other person.

Follow what you know is right for you and own your mistakes as well as your successes.

Staying the Course

“It’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

When we decide we want something or want to be able to do a new thing it’s difficult to have the patience to achieve it or to wait to get it. The quote above is something my senior debater has said to me several times in only a handful of lessons.

Yes, I want to know how to be good now. But in order to start with zero knowledge and achieve a decent level of debating ability there is a lot of groundwork that goes into the learning process. It takes countless hours of practice,and read as much as I can before I can even debate in the big tournament.

As with many things in life though, it’s the long enduring journey rather than just deciding upon something and having it. Many times we give up before we get whatever it is we are trying to have.

Attending university is a good example of something that takes time and endurance. We take classes that we have no idea how they will help us with a particular job. A lot of it feels like a waste of time, but it’s just part of the deal. If nothing else, a degree shows that a person can stick to something long enough to finish.

Most of what we have in life that means something to us took a lot of work and effort. It takes that in relationships, getting a degree, building a house and numerous other situations. Things that come easy rarely give us a whole lot of pleasure or self worth.

Also to achieve the things we desire we must often compromise something else. If we want to get a degree, for instance, we may have to give up something that we enjoy while we attend classes and study. If we want to build a long-term relationship with someone we might have to give up certain things sometimes to spend time with that person. Just as with learning debate skills, it takes patience and time.

If we truly want to achieve or have a particular thing we will do what it takes to do that. If we don’t care much one way or the other, it will show and eventually we’ll let the thing fall to the wayside. Most of us lead busy lives. Yet we want to do new things and stretch who we are. We may want to find someone to spend our life with, learn a new trade, or learn something for fun, like a musical instrument. Most likely that will take compromise. We have to decide if it’s worth giving up something else to fit in what we say we desire. If not, then we really don’t want it much.

If we really desire something we will compromise and do what it takes to have it.

words can hurt

“Gossip needn’t be false to be evil — there’s a lot of truth that shouldn’t be passed around.”
—Frank A. Clark

Talking about our friends and enemies is a pretty common thing to do. We don’t always mean to be evil and hurtful when we pass things around amongst our acquaintances, but we still do it.

Most of us feel a tinge of guilt when we find ourselves in the middle of a situation with friends where things have been passed around amongst those involved and those who have no part in the incident. We hear something, we repeat it, and then it gets passed around. By the time it gets back to the person who is being talked about it is a hurtful thing.

It’s like the secret game we used to do in elementary school where someone would whisper something into the ear of another and then go around the whole classroom repeating it to the next person in the row. Once it got to the last person and they repeated it out loud it never came out the way it started.

So it is with gossip. And even if gossip were repeated exactly as the incidents happened, it still becomes hurtful to those involved.

Even the truth does not need to be passed around by us if it’s not our issue to talk about.
It is a difficult thing to keep secrets or not to repeat things that we know about another. However each time we do it we hurt ourselves and the person we talk about. It’s just hurtful, negative energy that we don’t really need to be putting out there.

Spend more time showing kindness than you do gossiping.

miss XOXO

I can't sleep and I have this pain in my heart I really do.I miss xoxo a great deal nonetheless.Things happen that you dont expect.I'm very sad but still don't know what to do about it.In somewhat different ways we are both stubborn people.Occasionally i think of how i feel as a weakness,like get over it and move on but it still bothers me.I must be such a fool.This is emotional needyness of someone who is incomplete and has no life.That is the conclusion I have to make.

end of the road ....

just now, xoxo sent me an sms.

Today is the 2 month anniversary we didn’t meet. You don’t want to meet me anymore?


It has been a while since I met xoxo. Xoxo has been sending smses to me asking me to go out . But lately, xoxo has stopped sending the messages. In the beginning xoxo used to send me a lot of messages, but I seldom reply, or reply very late and used to send messages every few hours, and then it slowed down to a few smses a day and now maybe once a week. I always tell xoxo I am busy.

My studies are getting busier.

I have stopped meeting xoxo. The truth is, I think I am scared. I am making way too many excuses. And this is turning xoxo away. I think xoxo is such a nice person. I wonder what xoxo sees in me.

I never told xoxo anything. xoxo thinks I am mysterious. Maybe xoxo already know. Xoxo is too experienced and matured for anything to escape xoxo eyes. I never told xoxo where I came from. I tell xoxo I am a just simple boy. xoxo is really something special. I don’t believe there’s such person in this world.

Sometimes, I just want to send a message telling that I miss xoxo. I would type it out, but always stopped short of sending it. I hold back on my emotions. I swore not to let nobody into my heart again. I fixed it so they wouldn’t stand a chance. I feel so happy being single. Lonely sometimes, but happy because no one is hurting me.

I will just concentrate on my studies now. It is meaningless to pursue love.

Maybe this is the end of the road for me and xoxo. I would like to keep xoxo as a sweet memory.

Love means exposing yourself to the pain of being hurt, deeply hurt by someone you love.
ewan-xoxo

it's bad start ....

I am puzzled...I am speechless...i need time and space to think about all of this....its hard..very-very hard for me....i know I am strong..i know i will get through this...i know i can make it...

i am a strong ...what have i done wrong??i need to rethink about everything....see everything from a different view n perspective....things happen 4 a reason..i know....this is just another phase in my life that needs me to be tough and strong to pull myself together...
INSYALLAH...AMIN....